We got married young so now let's figure this shit out.

Hey, I’m an Asshole

America is fat. Here’s a statistic for you: A KFC probably has a lot of people in it whose BMI is over the normal level. Which I believe is something like… 20? Ok, obviously that isn’t a real statistic and I’m assuming my ignorance about health facts is showing. Anyway, whether you’re big boned, fat, curvy, skinny, thin, fit… I hope you’re happy with your body, because I believe everyone deserves that. Especially because body acceptance is something I have struggled with since I looked back at my 2nd grade yearbook picture and compared it to my new, much chubbier 3rd grade representation of myself. That’s sad and says something about our society, blah, blah, blah but that’s not what this is about.

My weight has fluctuated a lot and recently was at a record high. Well… a record high for me. The number doesn’t matter but the way I feel does. I was pretty disappointed in myself and most of all feeling pretty terrible about myself and just terrible in my health. Thus, it was time to DIET. And EXERCISE. Oof.

My diet has always been weird. Sometime in middle school I decided being vegetarian would be a hoot and my general dislike of meat pretty much helped guide and keep up the lifestyle. I was vegetarian for a long time, and was vegan for nine months in high school. Do I sound like an asshole yet? It’s getting close if I’m not there already.

I started eating diary and meat sometime in late high school after being pressured to eat some glorious pie and then just eating some delicious chicken. A lot of years went by as a herbivore and then a tad after our honeymoon, after watching Food Inc, Mike and I decided to became assholes vegetarians.

So as of right now, I’m a dieting, exercising vegetarian. These are all shaky subjects around mixed company, I find. I don’t mean to sound like a jackass when I say “Oh no, not pizza, I can’t have any!” or “They don’t have any vegetarian options, I don’t want to go there.” or my favorite: foursquare check ins at a gym. Yikes. Nothing is worse than trying to plan your day around working out when you’re unemployed, people must wonder why the hell it’s taking me forever to decide when to hang out. It’s complicated.

Not only am I being looked at as some sophisticated jack ass for being a vegetarian, but there’s the questions that come with it. Why, how long, what do you even eat? Fun times like that. The concept of why gets real weird when you tell a meat eating friend that their hot wings look delicious, but that’s another story. The worst part about the questions is I feel I have the worst answers. “I don’t really like meat.” “The meat industry is terrible and I can’t afford organic, humanely raised meat.” That last one is probably the most stick up the ass, nose in the air comment I’ve ever heard… with a hint of “woe is me” for the being poor part.

Dieting and exercising is new to me, refusing ice cream or not just picking pepperoni off pizza to please party hosts is taunting me. There’s also always the wonderful joining of the assholes when some one mentions their on a diet. Another asshole comes in with all kinds of advice, what they’ve tried, what works, what doesn’t and what Dr. Oz (the king of assholes) says about it. It’s always wonderful to get advice and I have learned things from people and people have learned things from me, but we all sound like know it all freaks when we do these sort of things. (The same could be said of anyone doing anything, people always love to jump in and put their two cents into anything that they knew the most about… which is everything.) When I talk about a great or shitty work out or how I want to buy some new exercise clothes, it just feels odd. But my body feels pretty great so is it worth it? Sure.

I know that all these things I’m talking about – that I’m obsessively concerned over – are pretty common. All kinds of people are vegetarian and it’s easier and easier to find options when eating out. So many people are on diets or are just starting a new one, and I bet even some of the laziest people walk their dogs. All I’m trying to do with this is say… hey, I’m not an asshole, I just have traits like one.


6 responses

  1. I don’t think you’re an asshole at all! I think if someone is making you feel bad about your dietary choices, whether they mean to or not, they’re the asshole. Especially because these are very healthy choices.

    I’m in the same place you are right now. My weight is at a personal record high, and I’ve recently made a lifestyle change to turn that around. I’m eating more fruits and vegetables and eating fewer desserts and less cheese. I’m not completely changing how I eat because I need to be realistic about it so I can stick to it. So if I want the occasional slice of pizza, I’ll have it, but I’ll make sure it’s thin crust with vegetables and light cheese. Luckily, everyone is supportive of my decision, even my husband who I feared wouldn’t be as much because he tends to roll his eyes when I buy light sour cream instead of full fat sour cream. Unfortunately I haven’t really lost any weight yet because I haven’t had time to exercise much, but at least I’m feeling healthier in general.

    As for vegetarianism, I totally know what you mean about not knowing how to answer questions about it. I don’t understand why people need to ask questions or be judgmental about it or try to pressure vegetarians into eating meat again. It might be that they feel subconsciously guilty about the fact that they do eat meat and they try to make themselves feel better about it by making you feel bad about your vegetarianism.

    August 13, 2011 at 17:07

  2. MOM

    Ashley Janne’,
    Mom says do what makes you happty and makes you feel good about yourself. You are a wonderful daughter and sometimes I wondered where you came up with the things you did…..but I love you and you do what makes you happy and the rest of the world are the assholes that make you feel like one. And by the way your dad is confused on who is the asshole. I just want you to be healthy always!

    August 14, 2011 at 09:15

  3. Stacey

    Well… I only eat humanely-raised-free-range-hormone-free-grass-fed-fair-trade-employee-owned whey protein. So who is the asshole now? o_O

    August 14, 2011 at 17:34

    • LOL! Glad you get the wonderful sarcasm/joke of it all.

      August 14, 2011 at 17:40

  4. Stacey

    Also, please make me those artichokes. They look sexy.

    August 14, 2011 at 17:35

    • Those were from a graduation party I photographed… THEY WERE SO GOOD, STACEY I CAN’T EVEN.

      August 14, 2011 at 17:40

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